Another Post Of Random Thoughts.....

Ok, this time, its 1 am in the morning, so sue me! I'm having trouble sleeping these days, mind filled with a lot things not supposed to be thinking in Form 6, when you're having STPM in like 11 months or so. I don't think I can lie to myself anymore, matters of the heart are really affecting me badly these days, I can't concentrate on a lot of things, I pretend that life is all well, but I'm so messed up inside because I can't make the decision of whether to accept the way I feel about someone or to uphold my duties as a student and a son and stop thinking about "LOVE", there I said it. I keep thinking that Its just a phase where I will grow out from because this is seriously not the time to be thinking of these things. And I find out, the more I'm trying to avoid it, the more I think about it and it bugs me more than ever. Don't get me wrong, I love thinking about romance, it practically lifts my spirits up when I think about it, just that the timing is not right, and its really hard for me to control my emotions. I can't control my emotions......only my actions..... Sometimes I feel so pissed I would like to just bang my head on the wall. Its STPM year and what the hell am I thinking??? And when I ask friends "what should I do?", the 1st thing is, think your books, not love or emotional support, you can do that by your own, but to tell you the truth, I can't...... Or maybe just like my last post, I'm just escaping adulthood, escaping my responsibilities..... Over and over I think it again, is it because I'm lacking something right now in my life, that it just render me unmotivated to do anything, or am I just escaping my responsibilities as it is? Most people will tell me the 2nd 1, I can tell you that, and will think that I'm childish, or maybe its just me fighting with mysef so hard..... I'm a really screwed up teenager who just needs to set my life straight again and my priorities straight too.

The big question is, what is the motivation I'm lacking.......... even if you say its laziness, some thing is causing the laziness...... If I'm motivated, I won't be that lazy, come on..... I know I'm not like that, I will fight for what I want and will get it if there's some thing for me to fight for in the end, I know I'm like that, but what? What am I missing? Is it her? Thats the question I've been asking myself for 5 months now, and because of the reaction she gives me, I can't determine whether it is worth it or not? But my heart asks me to go on and fight on, though its bleak, but I'm trying.

I like her smile, I like the way she walks, the way she has her favourite colour on everything she owns, the way she sleeps on her table like a little baby, the way she says "okie!", the way she giggles, the way her half-blur face when she looks at people, the way she talks when she's shy, the kid-like tone in her voice, her calmness in dealing with difficult stuff, the way she laughs when she hears a joke, the way she ties up her hair and puts in down sometimes, even the way she says "hi" to me is special. When I think of her I giggle. When I feel sad, I think of her and things get better for me. When I cannot sleep, I repeat her name in my mind until I fall asleep. When I see her, my face go red like a tomato. I dream of her from time to time and wake feeling happy after dreaming of her. I feel sad later knowing that it wasn't reality but just a dream. When I don't dream of her, I kick myself thinking,"why didn't I dream of her??!!!". I miss her just after a few days not seeing her, and I start to get depressed.

After saying all that, why am I still not convinced that I have fallen in love, but thinking that its just more of an infatuation? Is it because I'm still a teenager? That's why I think that way? I keep contradicting myself, thats why I'm screwed up, anyway, if anyone can give me an answer, I'll be glad to have it. Its 2 am now, its really really late, got school tmr, so toodles and nitez everyone.....

Random Thoughts.....

Here I go again, blogging at 2 am in the morning and I'm supposed to wake up at 6.30 tomorrow morning, argh, can't sleep, so many things running through my mind right now. I guess my blog has turned more into an entertainment website than a real blog, alot of you may not agree with, but that just me, thats just what I think. Its suppose to be a journal where I just write my thoughts and share with you all my views in life, alas, its been a long since I've written something like this on my blog.

I can't stop thinking about what I said this morning in the seminar held by the counselling unit this morning, about fear of putting in so much effort, yet not get back the results that i desire, felt like I missed a few parts, so I'm just gonna continue it here. I know I'm not the same person I was from yesterday, from an hour ago or even a minute ago, cause we evolve as time goes by, its a fact, so far, thats the new philosophy that I go by in my life whether in education, in life in love, thats so far the way I go by in my life. So, I'm still trying to accept the failures that I've experienced in the past and trying to learn from those mistakes, hoping to make a difference in the future. But as we all know, whenever we make a decision to change ourselves, all the other things in life will come and prevent you from succeeding in your mission to betetr yourself. For example, your friends will tell you that its just 3 minutes heat or like, hard obstacles will make you lose confidence(like really really hard maths, thats always a downer...). I actually kinda get fed up with all the negative input i get from some of my buddies, not targeting anyone in particular, seriously, but from a whole lot friends. I don't know, maybe its human nature for someone to put another person down when that person is in a good mood, basically so that he will feel as rotten as the other guys does. Its like, I'm feeling rotten, why the heck should you feel happy. I always feel a sting in my heart whenever I criticise myself or even other people, feeling like, "its not true, I can do better, I'm not like that, I'm not worthless.....", because its true, we aren't what we think we are, we're not useless bums, we're just unrefined diamonds waiting to "be refined". We always say, we're escaping, but we never say we're escaping from what. From my opinion, we're just escaping from adulthood, afraid that if we were to seriously study and take up responsibilities, we would lose all the naiveness we once had or even the fun we once knew, but that is part of life, we have to learn to grow up, thats the cruel fact of this insanely twisted world, happiness will never stay with us for too long, happiness always seems shorter then hardship because we enjoy happiness but suffer during hardship. But whoever told us, the adult world is scary? Its just another thing we have to face, by losing some "things", we gain something else in our life, maturity, wisdom and whole lot of other "fun", wakakakakaz!!!!!

Like Christopher Reeves said, "Our dreams, however impossible, sometimes may even seem improbable, but when we summon the will, it is inevitable". My dream is to be able to inspire people, to make them gain confidence, to be able to lift people's spirits, so that they can strive for a better aim in life, but to do that, I need to better myself 1st, improve myself, its a very very slow process, but what can I say, I'm only human, it takes time, its not something overnight right? Giggles.

I am looking for my path in life now, hoping I'll be able to see the light soon, the last piece of puzzle in my life, I wonder what it is, and I hope its what I'm thinking of too.

Matters of the heart, no matter how much I wish to share with you all, it is still not the right time, though I can tell you 1 thing, good things never comes easy, and I hope the effort I put in is enough to fulfill my dreams, not only in the matters of the heart and also in the journey of life, I now wonder, will I look back at this post and grin to myself, wow, I wrote this on Saturday morning at 2 am......

Lastly, I would just like to end my blog with 1 thing my father once said to me, which I agree the most, "failure only makes success sweeter, so when success comes, the feeling is incomparable to any feeling in the world".

So till next time with the japanese trip post, toodles!!!!

Masked Rider: The First, Amazing Remake

Ok, putting my Japan trip aside 1st, I have found my ticket back into my youth, lolz, my love for Masked Rider!!!! And here's the movie remake that has really showed that Masked Rider can be made to be loved by adults and children alike, its so so cool, it tied up so many loose ends of the previous series and it has changed the story of both Masked Riders pitting them as enemies at 1st later teaming them up to become an unbeatable force.

The story starts actually showing you the Senator's murder by a henchmen of "Shocker", an organisation that is bent to take over the world(what else do super villains do anyway?). Anyway, the senator is murdered then the next scene shows our hero Takeshi Hongo(Kikawada Masaya) driving pass Sakura trees and into his workplace, ok skipping all that, bla bla bla, we get to the part where Takeshi gets caught by" Bat" another henchmen of Shocker and was taken for Reconstructive Surgery and in the end gains the power of the HOPPER, explanation, the power of Masked Rider. But alas, he was brainwashed and worked for Shocker wreaking havoc all around the city.


Rider 1,Takeshi Hongo, he is blue in colour, suprisingly.

But on a fateful night, he was sent to kill another senate member with another accomplice "Spider". Their act was witnessed by the main actress in the movie Komine Rena a.k.a Midorikawa Asuka and her fiance in the movie. As Takeshi(MR1) was just about to finish off the fiance, he awoke from his trance after seeing snow fall from the sky, he suddenly remembered his love for ice crystal studies(his a scientist working in an institute of research) and came to realise what he was doing. Alas the fiance was killed by "Spider" who was then defeated by Takeshi but got away just in time before he Takeshi did the infamous Rider Kick on him. Earlier, Asuka fainted and woke up to see Takeshi lying beside her fiance's body. She mistakens him for the killer and did not know the truth inly until the end.


The 2 riders after defeating "Bat" in the movie.

Back at the Shocker base, Dr. Shinigami is furious at the actions of Takeshi who he refers to as the codename HOPPER throughout the entire movie. To defeat Rider 1, he created Rider 2, also with the abilities of the HOPPER, with Ichimonji Hayato(Hassei Takano) as the subject. Ichimonji proceeds to seduce Asuka to lure out Takeshi who is way to honest and shy, if you want to know my opinion. Anyway, the 2 riders meets twice and both times they fought to a draw(though Rider 2 looks more of the winner everytime). Ichimonji eventually fell in love with Asuka and was deemed a traitor and was also hunted down by Shocker. To cut the story short, both the riders teamed up to face the Shocker organisation after Asuka was kidnapped. Of course, they ultimately won the battle.


Rider 2, Ichimonji Hayato, He's the green rider.

Cool Parts about the movie:
1. Most of everything is logicalised in the movie, like the bike isn't any super powerful bike, its just a normal Honda Bike with extra speed thats all.(Though it seems to be able to stop on its own, without getting scratches, ok so they did not logicalise "everything")

2. The transformation looks pretty cool though they never tell you where the belts come from.

3. The helmet is now removable, the riders do not own a 1 piece suit anymore.

4. The modernisation of the suits looks pretty cool.

5.At least this time, they are not fighting monsters but genetically enhanced human beings, so its not a "only kids" show anymore.

Well thats pretty much it about the movie, the rest, you have to watch on your own. Its actually a movie i think 2 years ago, currently waiting for Masked Rider: The Next to come out on DVD, featuring Masked Rider V3, it has a damn cool soundtrack.


The Riders, striking a cool pose.



The Bad Guys, the 1st is Cobra, the 2nd is Snake.

Ok, here's "Masked Rider: The Next" poster

V3 looks so freaking cool, I'm a Masked Rider fan, so basically, remakes of the series or movies just psyche me up, lolz.

And lastly, here are some trailers and some pretty wacky clips on Masked Rider.

Masked Rider: The First Trailer


Masked Rider 1 versus Masked Rider 2


Masked Rider: The Next trailer(Freaking Cool!!!!)


When Smackdown meets Masked Rider:
Masked Rider Kabuto vs Masked Rider Stronger


When Smackdown Meets Masked Rider #2:
Masked Rider V3 vs Riderman(he has Shawn Michaels entrance, OMG......)


Lastly, seriously, the most LMAO clip, Masked Rider in GTA, WTF!!!!!


Basically, the people who did these clips have to much time on their hands, but they do bring us entertainment, hahaz. But the wrestling 1 is really swt, enjoy the clips, tata, till next time!!!

Part 2: Peace Memorial Museum

Ok, next is the peace memorial museum, which was actually quite boring during the 1st part of the exhibit, I almost fell asleep..... anyway, hahaz, here goes. They were signs on the wall explaining about the dropping of atom bomb in Hiroshima, like where the bomb was designated and what time the bomb was deployed. It was on August 6th, 1945, 8.15am, the judgment day. Anyway, here are some pics from the museum.


Boards explaining about Hiroshima and the morning of the bombing.


People taking time to look at the boards, basically all I did was walk pass everything and listened a bit to the device i rented. Yaya, I forgot to take a picture of the device, sue me with blogging summons.


Items used by the Japanese for air defense purposes, the light bulb was painted dark on the sides so that light only shown from the bottom of the light bulb. The book is the Air Defense plan.


Believe it or not, these are matches, they are cut into thin pieces then at the edge, smothered with sulphur and then are lit.


Japanese custom made military matches, lolz, funny looking.


The National Uniform back then.


A picture of children who were evacuated from the city before the bombing, most of them lost their parents in the bombing, I don't know are they even considered lucky, losing their families in just minutes.


the time of the bombing, the time where 100 of thousands lost their lives.....


the plan of the bombing, the map.


Areas that were selected for bombing initially.


Ok, here's Hiroshima before the blast.....


Here's after, so....what do you think? devastating eh?......


Here's what the 1st photographer thought of when he reached the site of the bombing, he only managed to take 5 pictures that day......


took a picture with another picture of the devastated Hiroshima city.

This a wall scraped by flying pieces of glass, ya only glass....





Replica of the A-bomb done, it is suppose to be smaller.


Statue remakes or the blast victims.

ok, the following pictures are items left over by victims of the blast, and most of them have passed away days after the blast.

Clothes










A lock of Hair


Metal Items







A clock that stops at 8.15am

The A-Bomb



Ironically, the antenna that set off the bomb was made by the japanese. And the company is still a big company all over the world.


ok here's a photo of the butt of a person who died while sitting on the steps and his butt is imprinted on the steps.


Effects of the A-bomb blast to the eye.


A kimono pattern burned into the girls skin.


Note: This is a piece of metal, turned into a shape like this.


Lastly, I took a picture with a museum guide who was nice enough to explain a lot of things to me in detail, although she wasn't strong in her english. But she was a nice person overall.

Ok, finally I finished this post, more japan stories next time!!!! Tata!!!!!

Back and blogging(again)/ Japan Trip Part 1: Peace Park

Ok, I'm back in the blogging business again, lolz, after my friends urged me to start blogging again and of course because i like blogging too, just been a bit lazy, anyway, I just came back from Japan from a Youth Exchange Programme organised by the Lions Club Of Malaysia(It was freaking awesome by the way!!!), felt like an alien on the 1st day. Immediately when I arrived at my host parents home, I felt like, wow, this is so like, out of my place, and was really homesick, this happened on the 1st few days as I tried to adjust to life in Japan. My host mother was kind enough to bring me to the peace museum to explore on my 2nd day there, the place where the A-bomb dropped, here are some pictures of the place.

The A-Bomb Dome, now a World Heritage Site, when the A-Bomb was dropped, everybody inside was killed instantly, so darn sad.....


A marble plaque explaining the about the A-Bomb dome.


the statue on the left side was a poet who wrote a poem for the children who died during the bombing, the right statue is to remember the children who died during the bombing.


This river is a very sad place, when the bombing occured, a lot of people were burned and a lot of them jumped into the river hoping that it would doused the fire burning their body, so basically, a lot of bodies was found in the river after the incident.....


A look into the interior of the A-Bomb dome, we weren't allowed in it, so i could only take photos outside.




A brief history on the A-bomb dome, which used to be a business trading centre before the war happened, its was designed by a Czech, Jan Etzel, so thats why when you look at it at that time, it was totally different from the other buildings in Hiroshima.

Another look at the A-Bomb Dome










Another building that stayed intact after the blast, but miraculously, someone survived the blast in this building, he was in the basement when the explosion happened. He lived to be 80 years old, but not without effects from the radiation of the blast.




A plaque explaining about the building.


There is supposedly a small flame burning behind me, its the flame of peace or something, but the flame is so meager that I don't think you can see it in this picture.


The A-bomb Cenotaph, where the inside contains all the registry of the deceased result of the A-Bomb attack, took the pic with ma host mother.



I don't know what this statue is here for, basically its all in japanese and when i ask my host mother what it meant, she just answered "wakarenai" meaning "I don't know", so who cares, I'm a blogger, just take a picture with it.


Thats all for now, next will be the peace memorial museum, tomorrow, I'll post the pics, till tomorrow!!!